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God of War III (2010)

July 28, 2010


8/10 Brutal Beatings

I’ve always wondered the amount of gore that a video game needed to get that high-and-mighty “Mature” rating.  Well, God of War III answered that very quickly.  Before I get to the fun stuff, let’s talk about the game:

If you have played any of the previous two installments from this series and had a great time, then obviously this game is for you.  Santa Monica Studio and their team have not veered far away from the original recipe for success.  The story progresses the same as the previous, with a quick pace and a hunger for revenge.  If you remember the end of the second game, we are left as the Titan, Gaia, is giving Kratos a piggyback ride up Mount Olympus and they are seeking to kill Zeus.  I know, it sounds like a great time, right?  Well, things don’t go so smooth, and thus begins God of War III (smart writing, b-t-dubbs).

The game really has not changed much at all from the first God of War, which came out 5 years ago.  Obviously the game moves a lot smoother and the cut scenes looks freakin’ amazing.  I literally can’t put into words how great the cut scenes have become.  I could sit and watch them over and over again as a movie just because they are so entertaining, so action packed, and the graphics are close to perfect.  As for gameplay, the same as before: button smashing works great in a crowd of skeletons and Cyclopes, the moves look real badass when you’re not hit from behind and stopped mid-move, and the puzzles are easy to get through as long as you have half a brain.  I mean, really, this series is not known for having brilliant puzzles, it is known for gore and button-mashing fun.  Although, this third game did try a little too hard to be like Prince of Persia with the puzzles.  I remember puzzles in the first two involving moving big blocks and maybe swinging around the level quickly, but nothing as intense and frustrating as Prince of Persia‘s room puzzles.  Well, at least they didn’t succeed in perfecting them, that might have ruined the game.

Since the game is almost a clone of the others, but with a new story, let’s talk about the fun you can have with this third installment (and p.s. when I say almost a clone, I really mean it. Most the levels are the same that are used in the previews games, and I found that a little disappointing).  First, we have new weapons.  The commercials overplay those big, metal, lion gloves he wears, and it is well deserved.  The Nemean Cestus will knock around any mythological creature that comes across you, and damn, it is fun to watch those little bad guys crumble with a big right hook.  Once you steal these from Hercules you will never want to use another weapon, no doubt about it.

Second: gore, gore, and more gore.  Sure, all other God of War games have had a ridiculous amount of blood and guts, but they really don’t compare to God of War III.  The satisfaction that you get when you gut a centaur, it’s incredible.  And I’m not talking knifing the bitch and leaving him to die, Kratos will gut him straight-up and watch the insides ooze out onto the dirty ground.  Oh, and remember when you used to take out the Cyclops’ eye?  Well, now we get a close up of Kratos digging his fingers behind the eye socket and ripping out the lone-eye from the poor beast.  It all sounds gross, but trust me, it is a lot more gruesome to actually watch happen.

And last, might be a spoiler, but the death of the Greek gods = AWESOME.  I won’t mention all of them, but here are some great kills to look forward to.  (I will say, if you have not played God of War III yet and don’t want the bosses ruined, I would skip over the next part of this post).

Helios: He receives a stiff ass-wooping, followed by an Edward Norton-esque face stomping, and ending with a quick manual decapitation.

Poseidon: The usual Kratos beating, followed by some vicious eye-gouging.  I thought the scene is 28 Days Later freaked me out, when Scarecrow jams his fingers in the army dudes eyes, but that does not compare to what Kratos does to Poseidon.  (And I’m pretty sure that in the first game, Poseidon is the first God to have your back and help you out.. weird)

Hermes:  Well, this had to be expected.  As soon as you see the devilish look as Kratos eyeballs Hermes’ winged boots, you know what is going to happen.  But, of course, God of War can’t have you guessing how the wings will be taken off this poor messenger.  Instead of doing it the easy way (drinking a Red Bull of course), Kratos decides to torture Hermes and he slowly cuts off his legs, just to take the boots off.  Totally understandable.

Hercules: Oh-My-God.  I thought the beating was done when you take down your brother Hercules, but Kratos has some pent-up sibling rage.  Let’s just say that the game urges you to keep pressing the square button, many times, and one after another, Kratos rains down punches to Hercules’ face. What is left over you ask?  Best described as.. Mashed potatoes.

The only thing lacking in this game is probably an original story.  It is all based on revenge, again (I’m tired of it Kratos, grow up already!), and the writers could have figured out a better way to start the adventure.  Besides that, the game is exactly what I expected: non-stop action, lots of blood and gore, and infinite fun.  If you liked the previews games in this series, then there is no reason not to play this one.  If you didn’t like the first games, go back to playing The Sponge Bob Square Pants video game, and be careful while you cross the street to get to Weenie Hut Jr’s, look both ways!

One Comment leave one →
  1. July 28, 2010 8:14 am

    hahaha, good review, man. One of the many games I’m itching to boot up on the PS3 but have zero time to do so because I’m an “adult” now. That shit needs to change. First two games were so fucking out of sight, glad to hear this follows suit even if the story ain’t nothing new.

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