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New Year’s Resolution (2011)

January 4, 2011


20/11 For The New Year

I think I’ve been gone long enough.  I apologize for not reviewing for months, I got selfish while at college.  Let’s just say my living around here has been a lot like what happens in The Social Network… I know, I’m that cool.  But, not really, since I just saw The Social Network for the first time about a week ago.

I’ll make it up to you soon, I’ll have to think of something good.  But either way, I hope you enjoy what is to come.  Also I could blame my disappearance to the fact that the Redskins are terrible, and I was depressed because I finally realized it.  But, I guess that if Ovechkin and Backstrom here can like them, then I guess I can keep cheering for them.  Props on the win over the Penguins during the Winter Classic.

To wrap it up, I will be starting to post again.  Enjoy.

Live long and prosper,

Nahuel F.A.

Editor, contributor, and king of Cut The Crap Video Game Reviews

P.S.  Go watch Black Swan.  If you’re not convinced from the commercials, read this and you make sure you make the right choice.  I’ve seen it twice, and I will not hesitate to go see it a third time.

–> Cut The Crap Movie Reviews: Black Swan (2010)


Sub-Zero finishes Scorpion by way of…

September 15, 2010


Well, that’s boring.  I mean, sure, Scorpion will still get his body frozen and uppercutted into tiny pieces, but where is the creativity in that?  I was very surprised by the outcome of this poll, even if there were very little votes.  Well, now that I think about it, it makes sense.  An Animality is kind of a weird concept for a Mortal Kombat game.  Turning into an animal and ripping apart your enemy might sound cool, but a cuddly polar bear isn’t as terrifying as a masked fighter ripping your spine off.  A Babality and Friendship finish both fall under the same column: lame.  Turning your opponent into a baby is not too intimidating, and finishing as friends is just out of the question.  It was a great joke, but I feel like we would rather see some blood instead of a friendly snowman, just smiling at us.  What still surprises me is that Brutality only got one vote.  Those are the best way to finish your foe.  Lots of blood, lots of carnage, and lots of anger taken out.


– Fatality: 5 votes

– Animality: 1 vote

– Babality: 1 vote

– Brutality: 1 vote

– Friendship: 1 vote

– Stage Fatality: 0 votes

I guess all these finishes were hard to actually perform, but once we got that combo right (and the stars aligned,) there was no better satisfaction then utterly embarrassing the other player (or CPU).  Sure, these finishes did not happen often, unless your older bro memorized the moves to show off every fight, but they were a nice bonus.  And we can all remember those times the CPU actually beat us, we throw the controller down, and we see that they decided to rip us in half or blow up our bodies with kicks… man, that just made losing so worth it.

Well, thank you all for voting.  And if you haven’t check out the About The Crap tab recently, I have to change-up my schedule since college has started (and is already kicking my ass… senior year should not be this hard).  Here is the schedule during the school year:

Monday: New Release Review

Wednesday: Poll of the Week

Friday: Classic “Old School” Game/Any Game (alternating weeks)

Have a great hump-day (and yes, I just hit myself for calling Wednesday the “hump-day”), and I will see you all on Friday!

Pixel Purge (2010)

September 9, 2010


9/10 Pixel Addictions

Finally, a great flash game.

Everyone has played Asteroids, it is a classic.  Well, this game is a lot like that, but a little more pixellated.  The gameplay is basically the same, you ride around and shoot down the bad guys coming at you.  But, in this updated version of the game, you get to pick up pixels spread by the blown up enemies, and you get to upgrade your ship.

There is a cute story told before the game starts, but again, this is just a flash game and there is no story needed.  Darkness is taking over and the good guys have to overpower them, the usual.  But what is great about this game is the nonstop action and the upgrades.  It becomes very hectic with so many baddies coming out, and the more you kill the better you can get.

As far as upgrades go, there are many options.  You can upgrade your power, bullet spread, pixel magnet, and many others.  I’m sure you are all wondering what my strategy is, so I’ll tell you!

Since you can upgrade whenever you want (no mandatory stops), I usually like to rack up many upgrade points while the enemies are easy.  After I get around 10, I upgrade the pixel magnet and the amount of pixels dropped by enemies.  So, from then on, most pixels just come to me and I don’t have to chase them while dodging enemies, and they help me upgrade so much faster since they are dropping bigger pixels.  Now, I get upgrade points a lot faster as I can get more spread on my shot and stronger guns.  It’s a very strategic way of going about it, but in the end, I get to upgrade faster and get to beat up monsters faster.

These kind of games are my favorite.  They are so simple, yet, I will sit and play them for hours and hours.  Even if I lose, I am not upset to start over because I get to try out new strategies and see what I can do better.  The controls are what you would expect; moving around with the arrows or wasd keys and shooting with the mouse clicker.  I would strongly suggest trying this game out, it will waste some hours and it will entertain you greatly.

Play Pixel Purge

A Boy and His Blob (2009)

September 8, 2010


7/10 Cutest Friends Ever

As I have been doing for the past weeks, I will start this post by complaining about my college.  This time, it is the mail room.  Like, I feel like getting people their mail is a pretty important thing to do, but PC just doesn’t seem to think so.  Since there were no students on campus yet, they decided to just leave all their incoming and outgoing mail in the offices and not worry about them till yesterday, therefore, my GameFly was never sent out, and I never received my new games.  So, here is a review of an old game… again, the new release review will have to wait.

If you are a hardcore Nintendo fan, then skip the two upcoming paragraphs: they are for the Philistines out there.

A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia was a Nintendo Entertainment System game from 1989. Nintendo Entertainment System, better known as NES, is the same company that developed the newest Nintendo Wii system. The Nintendo Wii system is a console which made interactions possible while playing a video game; video games are those things that us “gaming nerds” try to spend as much time as possible playing. “Gaming nerds” are those people who you make fun of for talking about the aforementioned video game systems, but trust me: they are way cooler than you.

So, this old gem gave all players a difficult time with puzzles, hazards, and pitfalls. It was a pretty impossible game, with levels that probably couldn’t even be beaten by the developer of the game (coincidently the same developer for the Pitfall! series, which also gave many gamers blisters from over-playing levels, trying to get past a certain crevasse that just seemed obviously too far for Harry to reach). The old Boy and His Blob had its problems, but WayForward Technologies tried its best to fix those glitches and revive this game.

The new version, simply named A Boy and His Blob, was released on Oct. 13, 2009, for the Nintendo Wii system. The big ploy for this release, which I actually just mentioned, was that the developers wanted to recreate the old NES game, but without the many problems. Let me just say now: they failed. The game is entertaining at times, it has its fun, but in the end, they could have done a way better job with it.

First, the plot was non-existent. You wake up, a blob lands next to your tree house, and then you start to run around and find hidden treasure chests and old artifacts. It sounds like I am not explaining everything, but really, that’s exactly what happens. You have three worlds, nine levels per world and a boss level, and if you get all the hidden treasure chests you gain another secret level. There really is no plot. They don’t explain why there are black blobs trying to kill you, or why there are big blob monsters. Oh and let me just ruin the great surprise for you: When you beat the secret levels, you get gifts! But don’t be excited, these gifts are just pictures of early development art, and the people who created the game… who wants to see that?!

The game play is pretty intense, but not well executed. You have a large range of actions you can perform with your blob and the boy, but it’s a pain to do these. You have to constantly be searching in a menu for the right seed that will change the blob into a bowling ball, parachute, cannon, trampoline, or even a bouncy ball. You have to make your blob perform these actions a lot during a level, and constantly going back and forth between seeds gets annoying.

It’s a great concept, and the puzzle/platform style is usually great, but this game was not what I wanted out of the remake. The only thing to redeem the game, and to keep me playing, is the great artwork and graphics (well, and the watching the cute blob change into awesome shapes).  For such a simple platform game, the background art is beautifully done. From the dark forests, to the bright city lights, it all looks amazing. If it weren’t for my need to see every level they created, I would not be playing this game past the third level. The game will frustrate you to death, and you will want to put it down quickly, but it’s worth the wait just to see the art throughout the story. I know it’s a small thing to bank a game on, but it is just that amazing to look at.

Since I had put this game down many months ago, I didn’t think about it much, actually, not at all.  Don’t let that sway your decision to play though.  I was so glad to pick this game up and I was so glad to revisit the revisit of the original.  Again, the gameplay could have been better (A LOT better), but the fun you will have with the adorable duo is great.  Your eyes and your heart will love you for playing this game, but your second “gamer-heart” just might not like it as much.

Who Wins…

September 7, 2010


Well, before we get into the journey that this battle was, let me apologize.  I have been gone for over a week, moving into school was a hassle, but expect writing from now on, and expect some fun reading.  I might come late every once in a while, but blame my professors and extracurriculars for that.  I guess missing a week gave this match-up extra time to duel it out, so let’s talk about how the rivalry played out:

The fighters were picked and it was time to see who would win.  The frozen king, or the lord of the fiery underworld.  The poll starts and Scorpion takes a quick lead.  He throws some cheap jump-kicks to cut down the health of Sub-Zero, getting him half way to death.  After only a couple of days, Scorpion is up by 6 votes.  But, out of no where, Sub-Zero shoots an upper-cut Whoopsie! Some freezing shots, followed by more upper-cuts, and Scorpion is backed into a corner.  He got on a roll and he came ahead of Scorpion by 1 vote.  He jumps backwards and leaves a frozen corpse, Scorpion walks right into it.  Sub-Zero walks back and tries to shoot another freeze-ball, but Scorpion jumps and throws a quick “come over here!”  Sub-Zero ducks and jumps straight at Scorpion, fists flying.  One last weak punch to end the fight, and he is done.

Finish him!


– Sub-Zero: 11 votes

– Scorpion: 8 votes

Thanks for everyone that voted, and thanks to Greg for checking up on this battle religiously.   Only question that could come now is: how would Sub-Zero finish Scorpion.  So, let’s see what the best way to die is, and vote on your favorite Fatality style on Mortal Kombat!

Day Off…

August 27, 2010

Sorry for the late notice, but I was just able to reach my laptop. Yesterday I got to school and I have been unpacking and running around making errands, so I have not been able to write and get anything out today.
But, do not fret. This weekend I will put out a classic game review and I’ll make sure it is a good one. I apologize, but it has just been a busy week.

Pokémon HeartGold (2010)

August 26, 2010


7/10 Obsessive Compulsive Disorders

Yet another tale of a young boy who wants (and needs) to catch ’em all.

I will admit to the world that I love Pokémon games.  I am not saying that I was into the Pokémon cards, because I used to beat up kids who played those (and that dumb Magic shit also), but the video games are actually really fun.  The story in these games has become pretty unoriginal, I mean, sure, they are coming out with new little buggers to catch, but that doesn’t change the fact that the story is ultimately the same in every single Pokémon handheld game.  And, I know that this is an enhanced remake of Pokémon Gold, but since I have not played that, this is a new game to me.

Before I talk about this usual Pokémon story, I will share with you the greatness that is a Pokémon game.  They have not changed their formula for quite some time now, and I’m completely okay with that.  You roam the land, Pokémon will attack you, and you fight turn based style.  The more you win fights, the more experience you get, and the more your Pokémon will grow as a fighter.  Also, you seek to become the greatest Pokémon trainer in the land, so you go around challenging all the other trainers and you put their dumb pets to shame.  It is all basic RPG gaming, but in these Pokémon games, they require you to search the world for every species you can get.  And I mean, they make you find every single on of those thousands of little creatures to become the Ultimate Trainer.  I’m sure most people reading this know the wonders of the Pokémon gaming, so I will stop this pointless banter and show a picture of what the fighting looks like in Pokémon HeartGold:

Sure, looking at this picture, you might think that it could be any Pokémon game… well, you’re right.  I have not seen much change from the graphics, which leads me to how they have not changed the story in some time, as well.  When I started this game, the first thing I thought was (and this is no lie): “Have I already played this game?”  I truly had to search through my old games to make sure that I did not own this game already, and I had to Wiki the shit to be certain that GamyFly didn’t screw me over and send me the wrong game.  But, in the end, I was right.  This is a brand new game, with a brand new already used story.  I even vaguely remember the maps seeming a lot like the Diamond game, and I will replay it soon to make sure they aren’t being lazy and using old maps for new games (I might catch you, you lazy game designers!).  In the most recent games you always have to go get a message from the Professor, take it back to the crazy scientist in your town, and then for some reason they urge you to go “catch ’em all,” and become the best… AROUNDDDD, NOTHING’S GONNA EVER KEEP YOU DOWN!  Sorry, I broke into song, but you get the picture.  There isn’t much back story, these guys just throw you every Pokémon gadget you can hold, and they tell you to be the top trainer.

So, why is this game still getting a 7 out of 10 if it is so much like the rest?  Well, the makers of these Pokémon games have found a perfect formula, and there is no need to change that.  There is a great need to come up with a more interesting and deeper story, but they can figure that out for the next one.  This game still creates an amazing Pokémon world, and I will spend the hours to catch ’em all and become the best.  And not to mention that they brought back the whole Pokémon walking next to you thing.  It has been a while since my buddy was allowed to walk outside of the Pokéball and roam the lands with me, and I’m glad I get to see my cute Chikorita at all times (and talk to him to pump him up).

I will admit that when Pokémon hit the scene, I was not a fan of the games.  I just didn’t care for them.  But, a couple of years ago a friend told me to try it out, and I can not thank him enough.  Granted, I am a huge fan of RPGs, and even the most boring of RPGs will get me hooked and wanting to create the most powerful character possible.  Final Fantasy games demand so much from the player, and I will still spend the hours to do everything I can in those games (even if the stories do become long and boring sometimes).  I will even admit that I have played EarthBound about 17 times, and not once have I been bored from it (speaking of, this is the best game ever made, and I can’t wait to review this for everyone).  But, before I get sidetracked or bust into song again, we need to realize the greatness that is Pokémon.  Even after all it is asking from you, even after the unoriginal story line, and even after the rainbow of games that have come out in their series, Pokémon is still selling and it is still the biggest hit.  HeartGold and SouldSilver had the biggest sales for the Nintendo DS, and I don’t see why not!

And I will say, next week I will be reviewing SoulSilver, so before I throw away any credibility for their story building, let’s give the partner a shot and see what it has.  I can only expect a different story since these two came out at the same time (the usual for a Pokémon game), but I guess we will all find out next Wednesday, right here, same Zubat time, same Zubat channel.